How Many Possessed Squirrels Does It Take To Destroy the World?

Meh. I have no idea. Probably a lot. Why did I make this question the title of this post? Simple. Although squirrels are cute and adorable, ALL SQUIRRELS ARE POSSESSED. I say this because they all seem to have a death wish. Literally. If they didn't, they wouldn't run out in front of cars. Or even bother crossing streets. Today, I was driving down my street when I saw a squirrel in the distance trying to cross the street. I slowed down and stopped a ways back just to make sure that I didn't run over the squirrel. Said squirrel decided that it was going to charge my car instead of crossing safely to the other side which is pretty much asking for it. I'm not sure if it was the color of my car (does red anger just bulls or is it like every animal...?) or if it was the fact that I was innocently driving down the street. Whatever it was, the squirrel seemed happy enough to come charging at me while risking everything. The strangest part was when it went under my car and didn't come out. Maybe the squirrel liked causing people to be late. Who knows? Whatever its reasons were for crawling under my car, it refused to come out, so I kinda had to get out and shoo it away with a stick (I felt bad about this, but I was one time sensitive mission involving tomatoes, so I didn't really have time to sit there and wait for it to come out on its own). This squirrel was clearly possessed by something. Probably the spirit of a vengeful banana or spider (those things are pure evil). Every time I see a squirrel, it's usually running back and forth across a street pretty much asking to be run over. Only possessed creatures behave strangely like this. Therefore, in conclusion, all squirrels are possessed. The end.

- Delanna

P.S. Don't get me wrong. I love squirrels. I just think they are kinda weird and have a few screws lose.

P.P.S. Possessed squirrels will end the world because their cute, adorable rampages cause people to be late. Or something like that. Actually, I guess possessed squirrels wouldn't really end the world unless they were like 50 feet tall squirrels with like laser eyes or something.

P.P.P.S. This post literally makes no sense whatsoever, so it's probably best if you don't dwell on it too much or better yet disregard it completely.