Thursday, June 2, 2016

6 Reasons Why I Hate Our Mailman

I find that one of the most annoying people in this world is the mailman that delivers to our house. Literally, you can't get more annoying than this. Here are 6 reasons why I absolutely hate the mailman. With a burning passion.

1. The mailman has a nasty habit of parking either where I park or to where I'm boxed in with no means of getting out unless I spend at least 20 minutes trying to wedge myself out. Neither of which is fun. In fact, the mailman boxed me in today preventing me from leaving my house for a good hour.

2. The mailman is constantly asking to use OUR bathroom or borrow OUR bloody charger. It's like seriously dude, do your business before you go on your route. It's seriously sketchy and kinda creepy to have to let some random person in your house to use the bathroom. If it was up to me, I would be like let 'em suffer. That's what I would do if I had to deliver mail. There's no way I would bother someone over my miscalculation.

3. The mailman has an inability to keep our mail dry when it rains. Like, literally every time it rained recently, our mail was shoved through our door sobbing wet. It's almost like the mailman purposely held it out from under the umbrella just to mess with us. It really ticks me off because I'm really tired of having to carefully dry the mail with a blow dryer before opening it and reading it.

4. The mailman never actually wears the mailman uniform. It's always some degree of stripping. I've never actually seen the mailman fully clothed. This sounds awkward, but it's true. There is a perfectly good reason why uniforms exist, and one perfectly good reason is that it pretty much prevents stripping. If it's followed.

5. The mailman makes too much racket. Whether the mailman is doing something in the mail truck or listening to music, it is always done loudly to where I CAN HEAR IT FROM MY HOUSE. I literally hate it. A lot. I know that I probably sound like an old man, but still, I feel like almost anyone would find this much noise annoying.

6. The mailman uses our backyard as a garbage dump. More than once, I have caught the mailman throwing whatever trash is left over in the mail truck into our backyard. It's actually disgusting, and I hate picking up after the mailman. Also, I don't think the mailman would appreciate it if I went and threw stuff in her yard. It's just ridiculous.

At this point, I dread the time when I see the mailman pulling up. It used to be a joy when I was a young kid, but now, I just wind up wondering what horrid thing the mailman will decide to do next. I swear that guy is out to get me. I kinda want to get a pack of dogs and train them to chase after the mailman. I know it sounds horrible and stuff, but the dude really deserves it. Seriously, does anyone else feel this way about their mailman? Anyone? Or is this just me?

- Delanna

P.S. I realize that I used the word "mailman" a lot, but I literally used it to show complete disgust. I have a feeling that it really didn't come across that way, but you can't really blame me. I'm horrid at expressing any kind of emotion.

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