Why Every Classroom Should Teach Assassination

Another of my favorite animes (yeah, I know, I have a lot) is Assassination Classroom. In this anime, the end of the world is near and held within the hands - er, tentacles - of a mysterious monster who also destroyed 70% of the moon, forcing into a crescent shape forever. Since he is basically indestructible, assassinating him and getting rid of the world-ending threat is basically impossible for the government, so in order to give the world a chance, the monster makes a proposition - he gets to teach regular classes AND assassination (under the name Koro Sensei) to Class 3-E, the class where all the failures go at Kunugigaoka Junior High, and only his students can kill him (but he'll make it a little easier - not - and still teach a good lesson or two during the attempts). The series following Class 3-E as they attempt to kill their teacher for ten billion dollar reward, and it makes me wonder why aren't all classes teaching us about assassination? In the series, the students just learn the techniques and never actually try to assassinate anyone except for their teacher (which they keep failing at since he is still alive, and the series is far from over), but the things they do with those techniques is incredible and makes me wish my school taught ME all of that stuff and here's why:

1. I WOULD GET A FREAKING OCTOPUS MONSTER THING TO TEACH ALL OF MY CLASSES!! I don't know about you, but someone, whether it be man or monster, who can literally teach all of the basic subjects AND MORE is just the coolest. Also, Koro Sensei tutors to each of his students individual needs which is more than what any of my current teachers do. Each student gets their own individual tests made at Mach 20 that caters to their strengths and weakness. Need help with your studies or improving your personal outlook on life? Koro Sensei spends as much time as you need to help you bring your grades or moods up and out of the pits. On top of all that, with each failure you experience, whether through assassination or academics, Koro Sensei has the best life lessons that will stick with you until you shrivel up and die. He is, quite literally, the best teacher you could ever want. If only he wasn't going to destroy the world in March...

2. You would get an epic P.E. teacher who could literally teach who to be super athletic in a couple of months (mostly because the ten billion dollar reward is pretty motivating). I mean, in just one month, you will be able to out run regular athletes and have superior hand-eye coordination that would let you hit a target set several yards away right in the middle. Who wouldn't want epic skills like that?! And, by the next couple of months, you could easily run across buildings with amazing balance and stamina. What useful skills to have in life...

3. Have you ever gotten annoyed by a teacher because they failed you unjustly or embarrassed you in front of the class, and you just wanted to get revenge anyway possible? Well, if that happens in an assassination classroom, you can just work off your anger by trying to assassinate your teacher. Even when you fail, you still feel better after working off all that stress and anger in constructive assassination attempts, and by trying and failing, you learn a thing or two for the next time you just want to explode. Oh, how this would help me...

4. Whenever you get bored, you can incorporate your useful assassination skills into an entertaining game involving your teacher. Since he always wants to please his students, he'll definitely be happy to play whether it's pin the knife in sensei's head or death piñata. Just don't except to win every round or, well, any round for that matter.

5. You get to express yourself in any way that you like. Whether it's drawing on everything, building bikes, taking creepy pictures, or fishing for delinquents, your teacher will support you as long as you are happy and trying your best (seriously, my current teachers should be taking notes).

 

6. In order to successfully assassinate an indestructible monster, you have to be super creative and come up with something he would never expect, so you would get funding from the government to do some pretty crazy stuff. Whether it's a crazy water assassination attempt on an island or the biggest explosive pudding you've ever laid you're eyes on, the government would be willing to try anything with the time ticking down and would spare no expense. I might have to get in on this. I've had some nice assassination plans involving the largest gelatin-free gummy bear to ever exist and a tub full of cheese and other fun things, but I have a feeling it would get very pricey.

7. Since your teacher is kinda a super powered octopus who can fly at speeds reaching Mach 20, you can always ask if he can take you with him to different countries, all with in the span of an hour (well, it would probably take a lot of bribing). Just think, Koro Sensei could take you to a baseball game in New York or a movie in Hawaii and have you back before dinner or before your parents noticed you were gone. If I could, I would talk him into taking me to D23 in California by bribing him with all the junk food I could afford with ten dollars.

8. Also, having a teacher with tentacles that can be used for basically anything is pretty useful. If a screw came loose, you would no longer have to get tools to put it back in. Instead, you could simply call for your teacher. Falling to your sudden and early demise? Never fear, Koro Sensei's tentacles can form a net to catch you in a way where you wouldn't die on impact.

9. A successful assassination, or attempts at assassination, usually involves cool tech and gear. Naturally, the government is more than happy to supply you with the best gear available that won't restrict your movement, and of course, who could forget the awesome technology needed for these assassinations. State-of-the-art guns and bullets engineered to only hurt your teacher, cameras that can be used to spy on your target, special explosives, and an artificial intelligent computer system that can help with your attempts and even learns from failures are some of the basics. I personally could use something that would turn me into a stealth ninja, but somehow, I feel like even the all-powerful government can't grant that.

10. An assassination classroom teaches the best life lessons. Evaluate past failures to see what you can fix for the future or having multiple blades, or talents, to attack with in order to surprise are only a few life lessons taught in a classroom with this type of curriculum. Whatever the lesson is, you can be assured that it will stick with you for life because Koro Sensei's number one concern is the happiness and success of his students (unlike several of my teachers) and possibly because the slime from his tentacles is impossible to remove at times. I could really use a teacher like Koro Sensei.

Overall, a classroom that has assassination on the curriculum is clearly superior to all others. What you learn in this classroom doesn't necessarily need to be used for assassination. It can be used to make on successful in the future. If you watch Assassination Classroom and really think about it, you can find that it can easily be applied to real life. It teaches skills that are necessary to grow in today's world, so maybe they should have a lot more Assassination Classrooms out there than what they already have.

- Delanna 

P.S. Assassination itself is a good thing to know in case you need to off some archenemies or opposing parties. Or maybe just take out people you don't agree with. I feel like a lot of people have that problem. I know I do.

P.P.S. The name "Koro Sensei" (殺せんせ) comes from the Japanese words "korosenai" (殺せない) meaning "unkillable" and "sensei" (先生) meaning teacher. It's a play on words, get it?