Mushu - Master of Comebacks and Advice

Mulan has always been one of my favorite Disney movies. Yes, it is amazing that there is a female warrior who fights her way through a man's world, but that's not necessarily why I like it so much (though it is one reason). No, I love it because of a certain dragon named Mushu. For me, Mushu always had the right words to make me feel better after a long hard day. It's easy for me to just laugh my head off at what he says during the course of the two movies, and to top it all off, he says some pretty amazing comebacks that can literally put all others to shame and can be used in just about any conversation. He also gives great, sound advice that'll help you survive the next day of school during a long week of dealing with lazy teachers and annoying peers.

Every time someone makes fun of my height, I can easily retaliate with, "I'm travel-sized for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright." Well, maybe not cow, but you...? Either way, Mushu's got my back.

When ever someone gets in your face during an argument, a quick "Down Bessie!" is sure to shut the opposing party up almost immediately. 

In order to pump up a downtrodden classmate or a losing team, a threat like, "A loser! How 'bout I pop off one of ya antenna and toss it across the yard! Then who's the loser?" might help scare them into submission. 

And, of course, sometimes you just have to clarify what species you are after someone accuses you of being some sort of animal just because you fail to keep a clean and tidy room. "Dra-agon! Not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing." Sometimes enunciating certain syllables and giving a clear example of how you do not compare to said animal are necessary for proving a point.

Naturally, things don't always go your way. Whether it is a freak thunderstorm that seems to be following you around or you fell down a flight of stairs for the seventh time that week, you need to know when to kick back and yell, "Fine! Dishonor! Dishonor on you, dishonor on ya cow!" because dishonoring things really helps end a negative mood, especially when you dishonor someone's "cow" multiple times.

Everyone needs a confidence boost right before something major whether it is a huge interview, presentation, or the destruction of a doomsday device. Sometimes you just have to talk yourself into being awesome in order to not mess things up. Or, you can let Mushu, who's got your back, do all the talking and/or pepping with, "Okay, this is it. Time to show 'em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and... STRUT!"

Who doesn't have problems starting conversations with new people? Mushu's got the best advice for you, "Now punch him in the face. That's how men say hello." A quick punch in the face will move any conversation right along, granted that the wounded party can still talk...

Anyone with any brains who goes to school wants to impress their teachers, but it doesn't always work out. Mushu is right behind you. Everyone has trouble impressing the big boss, and it doesn't hurt to complain about it a little. "Man, I was THIS close. This close to impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf in the entourage. Man, all my fine work - pfft." Mushu understands that it happens to everyone.

There is always going to be that one friend who tries to hard. Whether it is trying to scare you into submission or just scare you as a joke, you have to be ready with a sarcastic remark that shows how much they just failed. Mushu's classic, "Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover..." is perfect for any occasion that needs a cutting remark to crush a friend. 

Competition is everything these days. Whether it's over a scholarship or the last grilled cheese sandwich in a batch, you're basically going to war either way. You must be a lean, mean fightin' machine ready to crush the competition. Once you're pumped up and ready to enter the battlefield, Mushu gives you his blessing with a "Let's go kick some honey buns."

Everyone has a dependent that they carefully look after. Sometimes it's a younger sibling, and sometimes it's that creepy peer that just won't leave you alone until you give them attention. Whatever your dependent is, there comes a day when they start not needing you anymore, and next thing you know, "My baby's all grown up and... savin' China."

I dunno about you, but I several crazy friends who would save a horse over me. It's like "Oh, sure. Save the horse!" and forget me. It's not like I've known you longer than the horse...

Ever had a game in PE like dodge ball where the only thing you had to do was hit someone who was sooo close to you that they were literally impossible to miss, and you got partnered with the one person who missed? "You missed! How could you miss? He was three feet in front of you!" Somehow, yelling at them just makes it all better until they miss again and wind up nailing you in the head instead.

And last, but certainly not least, everyone has some sort of enemy. Bananas, robots, overly-annoying math teachers, and many other enemies could randomly decide to sneak attack you at the worse time possible, and of course "They popped outta the snow! Like daisies!" Or, ya know, they could pop out of a tree or nearby garbage, whatever is closest at the time... Naturally, overly exaggerated hand motions and facial expressions help convey the surprise, too, during the unplanned sneak attack.

Those are only a few of Mushu's famous sarcastic comebacks and life-saving advice. He definitely has more ready to be used in a heart beat whether it's to help a friend out or convey his annoyance.

- Delanna