How Does One Get Killed By a Vending Machine?

Early this week, I posted a fun fact about vending machines, "Your chances of being killed by a vending machine are actually twice as large as your chance of being bitten by a shark." At the time, I never thought much about it. It's like okay, that's weird, and that was about it. Today, a friend brought it to my attention and asked me how one would be killed by a vending machine. I dunno, so I gave it some thought and came up with some theories because I literally have no life.

1. YOU WERE STUPID AND SOME HOW MANAGED TO GET THE VENDING MACHINE TO FALL ON YOU. I'm not entirely sure how you would manage to do something like this and get it to fall in the right way and everything, but I guess anything is possible. And, now you are dead, smashed under a vending machine.

2. YOU SOMEHOW WERE WASHED AWAY IN A FLASH FLOOD, MANAGED TO GET WHACKED ON THE HEAD BY A VENDING MACHINE THAT ALSO GOT WASHED AWAY, AND NOW YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS UNDER WATER. You are seriously unlucky if this happens to you. I mean, not only did you manage to get washed away, but you also got washed away with a vending machine. Now, you're dead because you fail at breathing underwater.

3. VENDING MACHINES ARE PLOTTING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, AND YOU GOT IN THEIR WAY AND ARE DEAD BECAUSE YOU WITNESSED THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING BOTH GREAT AND TERRIBLE. I have no clue how you got yourself into this one, but you some how managed to discover that the vending machines are actually alive and plotting a huge take over. You try to let the world know what you have found in order to give them a fighting chance, but instead, you are silenced. By vending machines. What a painful way to go...

4. YOU MANAGED TO GET YOURSELF STUCK IN A VENDING MACHINE WHILE TRYING TO GRAB THE CHIPS OR WHATEVER THAT YOU JUST PURCHASED, AND NOW YOU CAN'T BREATHE DUE TO LACK OF AIR OR SOMETHING SIMILAR. Oh, well. Your chips got stuff in that awkward place where they have almost made in to the bottom, but they are stuck between one of the curly claws and the window. What the heck? So you decide to stick your hand in, but you still can reach them. Next your whole arm, followed by your head, and next thing you know, you're completely stuck in there by some miracle. The fire department can't get there fast enough, and now, you're dead from lack of breathable air.

5. VENDING MACHINES ARE CURSED AND TURN EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO TRIES TO BUY THEIR FOOD INTO FOOD FOR THE NEXT PERSON. Again, you are like a seriously unlucky person who happens to be the next victim of the "curse of the vending machine" which is centuries old and dates back to its cavemen inventors who wanted the food all to themselves (they weren't smart enough to put a full curse, so it only affects half of the people). As soon as you pay for you food and select what ya want, you get sucked into the vending machine and magically transform in to the very food you wanted to buy, so you are forced to sit and bide your time until some buys you and eats you. Slowly. Very slowly. And you have to watch...

Just look at that thing!! Isn't it the most evil thing you've ever seen! It definitely looks like something that would take over the world. I wonder how many people are currently trapped in there...

- Delanna