The Last Day of 2016

Today's the last day of 2016! And, honestly, it can't end fast enough. I can't wait for a nice fresh year to start, so that I can leave this one behind. Hopefully, 2017 will be a lot happier for me. I guess this means this is also the last post of this year. Wow. It's hard to believe that I've posted over 300 posts. I seriously thought that I would give this up after like two months, but apparently, I was wrong. Who would have thought?

- Delanna

I Almost Died...

MY BROTHER CANNOT DRIVE TO SAVE HIS LIFE. It's not his fault though. Even though he's technically sixteen, no one really takes him out to practice his driving, so he still only has a permit. My mom had this brilliant idea that I could take him out for driving practice since I don't have school at the moment and can, technically speaking, act as his licensed driver. Actually, it was a HORRIBLE idea. BECAUSE I ALMOST DIED. LIKE FIVE TIMES. Literally, we weren't even off the street we live on, and he had already almost hit two trash cans. With my car (my mom said my dad's was to precious to be used which left mine). By the time we finished the practice session, Kylle almost hit two small children, one bicyclist, and three different cars. It was a pretty traumatic experience for me, and I don't think I will ever ride with him driving ever again. Or even drive for myself.

- Delanna

Pigs: They Make Everything Better

I found this GIF of a pig on google, and it literally brighten up my life. It's the cutest thing ever! Pigs are so amazing! That's why I'm a pig lover. They are just so cute!

- Delanna

Can the World Just Die Already?

I'm still super depressed about life. And, everyone else is super happy. Which makes me feel like a thousand times worse. I wish I could just be alone for a little while longer. Just until I have the strength to pretend everything is alright again. Until then, a little peace and quiet would be nice.

- Delanna

Seriously, How Low Is Rock Bottom?

I'm super depressed right now. Which shouldn't be a thing since it's like the Christmas holiday and everything. But, I am. Maybe some people would think this is a stupid reason to be depressed, but right now, this incident has overturned my entire life. I really feel like venting, so please hang in there with me for just a little while until it's all over, okay? I promise I won't mention any names or anything. Lately, I've been having a very rocky relationship with someone to where I can't even tell if we are friends or not, but today, I think it's relatively safe to say that person will probably never talk to me again. And, it's over the stupidest thing ever. Recently, when I was heading off to bed, said person sent me a very lengthy text explaining certain things to me and how they stood. While they claimed that they weren't lashing out at me, they kind of were, and they could have used a bit more finesse when saying what they did. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that they most certainly did not have to say it the way they did. They could have said it a lot more gently to where it wouldn't have crushed my feelings. I don't even know where this text came from. It was the most random thing ever. Since coming home, I have kept contact with this person to a minimal because it was awkward between us. The only time I reached out (after a lot of debate and anxiety, mind you) was to ask if they wanted to hang out in order to catch up. That was all. I didn't mean anything deeper than that. So, when I suddenly received this text, I couldn't help but ask why they suddenly felt the need to bring this up and rub it in my face. They told me that someone had heard it from someone else and told the person who told him. Both of these people are people I've never gotten along with and don't trust, and the person who was texting me knows that. All too well. Which leads me to the question of why did they believe them? Apparently, what was said to the person in question was overheard from a conversation I had with someone and then twisted out of context when told to the next person. That person took the information and twisted it even more out of context before telling the person who was texting me. It started out as something that was a simple statement of fact and turned into something so embarrassing that makes me look like some clingy idiot who can't get over anything. I literally just want to die now. The two people who spread that information out of context are literally sticking their noses into business that they have no busy with to begin with. But, then again, I don't know why this surprises me. It's always been this way ever since I first met them. I don't know why I thought anything had changed since I moved to, you know, a completely different state to escape it all. Yes, that's one of the reasons why I chose to move and attend an out-of-state college. It was because I enjoy running away from my problems. I literally just wanted to leave all the problems and people I didn't get along with that were leftover from high school that seemed to follow me everywhere, but apparently, it didn't work because they won't leave me alone. I mean, seriously, is it too much to ask for? Some dang piece and quiet? After all this time? I mean grow up people! Just leave me alone! I don't know what I did that was so horrible to deserve this, but whatever it was, I really am sorry. I'm begging to leave me alone. I'm broken enough as it is already. I thought I was getting better, but no, I'm not. That was ruined for me. Just like everything else. I honestly don't think I can take much more since it's been going on for so long. I'm tired of the leftover mental damage from keeping all this bottle up. I literally having problems trusting people I haven't known for 10+ years because of this. And, on top of that, I find that I can't even talk to people normally like I used to in fear that what I say will get twisted around like that again. I'm tired. I'm so tired of living in fear like this. Whether it's a fear of those around me. Or a fear of getting hurt again. But, I can't do anything about it because I'm trapped by this fear. No amount of counseling is gonna help me. I'm broken, and when a person breaks, it's just like glass. No matter how hard you try, you lose pieces, and some pieces just never fit back together no matter how many times you glue them and try to force them back together. Seriously, just how low is rock bottom? I thought I hit rock bottom a long time ago but apparently not. Apparently, I'm still falling. Only, now, it's faster than ever. I thought I was getting better, you know, after meaning the person I was texting with, but because I was stupid and decided to follow some stupid dream that will literally never come true, I've lost everything. I've lost my home, the place where I grew up, and on top of that, I've lost my friends and relationships that I've spent years building. I'm stuck in plane in the sky that's falling with no way to steer it. It's all over. And no one is to blame but myself and my stupid decisions. I wonder if I had chose differently, would everything be different? Would it be better? Or a hundred times worse?

- Delanna

P.S. I'm sorry about how confusing this whole post is and how hard it is to follow. It's literally just me venting. I won't act on any of this. I'll just keep drifting on like normal. I'm too much of a coward to do otherwise.

The Day After Christmas...Why Does It Even Exist?

The day after Christmas must have a very unhappy existence. I feel like so many people (like my siblings for instance) are depressed on this day because Christmas is over (even though there are still more days in the 12 days of Christmas). People should enjoy this day like the wonderful day it is - the end of Christmas music. I have to say, today might very well be my favorite day of the year. Until next year, annoying Christmas music. It's been a real...delight...yeah... NOT. :)

- Delanna

Joyeux Noël!

Merry Christmas to all! I hope you are having a very happy holiday. I know I am. Only because I am curled up with several new volumes of manga (Merry Christmas me!) and my very precious guinea pig. In order to celebrate the holidays, I decided to make a list of how to say "Merry Christmas" in several different languages! I hope you enjoy it, and share it with the ones you love. Or hate. Or feel neutral about. Or whatever.

1. Afrikaans - Gesëende Kersfees

2. Czech - Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok

3. Danish - Glædelig Jul

4. Esperanto - Gajan Kristnaskon

5. Finnish - Hyvää Joulua

6. French - Joyeux Noël

7. German - Froehliche Weihnachten

8. Greek - Kala Christouyenna

9. Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka

10. Hindi - Bada Din Mubarak Ho

11. Icelandic - Gledileg Jol

12. Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit

13. Italian - Buon Natale or Buone Feste Natalizie

14. Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto

15. Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha

16. Latin - Natale hilare

17. Lithuanian - Linksmu Kaledu

18. Maori - Meri Kirihimete

19. Norwegian - God Jul

20. Polish - Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia

21. Portuguese - Feliz Natal

22. Russian - Srozhdestovm Kristovim

23. Spanish - Feliz Navidad

24. Swahili - Kuwa na Krismasi njema

25. Tagalog - Maligayang Pasko

26. Thai - Suksun Wan Christmas

27. Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Giang Sinh

28. Welsh - Nadolig Llawen

- Delanna